So, today is the day where I’m leaving my apartment of the last three years behind, though I’m not happy to see it go. Due to having lived in a student apartment signed up in my ex-girlfriend’s name and her graduating University and moving to another town I have effectively become homeless. Not that I blame her, we’re still very good friends and I’m happy that she’s finding opportunities elsewhere.
But it doesn’t change that this predicament that I’m in is far from ideal. I don’t have the Patreon or Ko‑fi income to simply go “full time” into being a content creator and use that to keep myself afloat and while I’ve applied to continue my studies, whether or not I can get financial aid through that is something I don’t know just yet.
Because of this I’m incredibly grateful to you all who have stepped in to help me out in these past few months, and even more so to those who have stuck around since years back. It’s thanks to you that I can currently afford my medication and general living expenses since I lost my income in July of this year.
I’m apartment hunting, of course, but finding somewhere to live isn’t easy. For now I’m staying on a couch at a pair of local friends and if I don’t find something before the year ends I’m not sure exactly where I have to go and what I’ll have to do – but I’ll think of something.
As for what I’ll do to give back to you all, I’m hoping that I can keep up streaming and also put out more scripted video content. One thing that’s honestly more ideal at my temporary living than my last home is that I’ll have an easier time recording things during daytime, so that should hopefully help quite a bit.
I’ve also been selling off a variety of things I own, in part to help me get some funds for things to improve what content I can put out. Video production and streaming isn’t cheap and I’m obviously working on a budget, but I’ll keep doing what I can.
I suppose I should also talk about last week…
So, on October 11th – Monday, I attempted to take my own life. The following morning I was committed to a mental hospital against my wishes and it was a grueling experience that I’ve already talked about on here.
I feel I have to address it again because though it was a spontaneous and impulsive action on my part, a suicide attempt is still a suicide attempt and I’m sure people are worried about my mental state.
I’m not well, to be frank. I’ve suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my life on top of other difficulties such as ADHD, mild autism, anemia and more that went undiagnosed until recently. Even now, over a week since that whole mess, I can’t say I’m not having dips where there’s some sense of a deathwish that overcomes me.
But I want to make it as clear as I can that I have no plans to take my life in this moment. The concerns and kind words from people have mattered a lot to me and I know that my actions on that Monday night was not what I wanted, to matter how much it felt like I did at that time.
I’ll keep working through my struggles, as best as I can, and I want to thank everyone who’s here with me as I do so. You’re seriously the best. I can not thank you enough and I love you all so much.